Have you Swiped Right on Indian Matchmaking?
My Netflix queue has been getting all that work as I’ve procrastiwatched. Ridiculous amounts of television has been consumed in the August household; everything from Good Witch to The Blacklist to Quantico to Black Lightning.
The show I can't stop talking about is Indian Matchmaking. When I say I can't stop talking about it, I mean going so far as to find myself sliding in other people's DMs asking if they watched, putting out a call on social media for people who've watched it. Then sliding in their DMs to discuss and recap. Recruiting people into my addiction, I’m a terrible person, I know but I have always loved the idea and the concept of a matchmaker. For some of us, love is a treacherous thing and we aren't good at separating what our heart feels from the logical part of our brain from the rampant sex organs that distract us. Some want more of a marriage than simple love between two souls, they want to build a dynasty, acquire or take advantage, or maintain generational wealth, ensure that children any children produced have a better chance through DNA for such things as height, looks, and medical futures.
As a romance writer we try to merge the ambitions of the mind and maybe even family, as well as future desires with the compatibility the heart craves and this show features all of that IRL…This show! I swear gives me multilayered feels, like a multi-layer cake of emotions.
Layer One
Layer One is the mothers, and it’s thick, packed with conflict and shades of familial obedience, great expectations, and worst of all hard to swallow. Watching the opening sequence with Akshay's mother, Preeti is cringe inducing. The way Preeti or at least Akshay was rejecting women felt life a real-life game of Swipe Left. With the exception of Rupam’s father and maybe Nadia’s parents, they all exuded for the most part helicopter/tiger moms pushing a familial agenda over happiness.
No matter the family whether here in the US or in India, they all wanted the exact same thing, never giving room for personal preferences or personalities to shine through. Ankita never even got a match, and she’s amazing, funny, and driven but she didn’t fit the ideal submissive, get along to get along daughter most of these families wanted. It was finding a girl, or a guy and fit them into this mold that will best fit the standard all these other families are striving to attain. It's a whole 'Keeping Up with the Joneses' attitude or in this case 'Keeping Up with the Joshi', but in marital form. I always felt like the list or lists became an unerringly long of qualifications, but the producers trimmed it down for time.
Layer Two
Layer Two is Auntie Sima herself, she’s like a tart Meyer lemon; definitely not everyone’s cup of tea. One of her first statements on the show is basically saying, if this doesn't work out, don't hold me culpable; I think her actual words were "My efforts are meaningless if the stars are not aligned."
Sima is very honest and upfront about how a person will be viewed on the marriage market. How well they will fit into that "mold." Taller is better, wealthier is better, slimmer is better, fairer skinned is better. Single and never married is better. Educated, but not too educated is better. Or like the title of the first episode, "Slim, Trim, and Educated."
And she tells us that marriage is between two families not two people, and the logical part of me agrees. The romance writer in my heart is like the old lady in the Geico commercial saying "that's not how it works..." because I want to believe that two people together and in love can conquer the world.
Layer Three
Layer Three is a rich, decadent slab of chocolate because this is an original show with brown people; even though the show glosses over the Indian caste system with maybe a twenty second explainer during one episode. I know this is superficial, but I love the casual viewing of wealth on the show. With so much being said to denigrate countries with majority black or brown population a showcase of wealth will go a long way in the American psyche.
Layer Four
Layer Four pure white Costco sheet cake because no one turns down Costco cake when you bring it in the office. When you watch, you’ll be blown away by how genuine everyone seemed, (at least on camera ((with the exception of Aparna, who should get her own layer))). I rooted for them to find love all with the exception of Akshay, because it was transparently clear that he was not ready to be matched or settle down. Like the rest of the world, Nadia’s effervescent personality coupled with her loneliness, Ankita’s driven one personality, and Vyasar’s outsized personality drew me in with soft squishy hugs.
I can even understand Aparna’s exhaustive list of wants and needs, because when you’ve dated a lot of people like she (and I’ll confess myself) have – you have higher expectations of what you want AND need in a partner. And Aparna like myself seems to have a honed intuition about how well someone will fit into her life, and she is ruthless about making those decisions quickly.
Layer Five
Layer Five is the worst and smallest layer like a dry, overcooked tiramisu of this limited series is that we get no satisfactory conclusions. The show was filmed over a year before it was released, there was no recap show. No “where are they now…” or anything from Netflix. Lots of digital magazines from Oprah to Good Housekeeping have obtained interviews with the cast, but don’t give us long articles to read when we’ve gotten used to them on video.
I know being single, things not working out - that's a part of real-life dating, you go in with only an open heart and a million expectations.
I wanted Ankita to meet Vyasar, because I think with his “unconventional” background he would be open to her assertiveness and drive. I wanted true happiness for Rupam, because second chance romances are truly the best. I'll echo Auntie Sima's words here "My efforts are meaningless if the stars are not aligned." Which is a no money back policy if I've ever heard it.
